La Luna and The Mysteries of Life

The moon is a milky crescent cradle hanging over the sky tonight.
I was driving on my way back to our temporary home a few hours ago, but found myself hypnotized by a perfect moon. I was enchanted by her glow in the sky, and how she seemed to find her way in front of the road I was traveling no matter how many times the road would bend.
I was thinking about our human experience here. I was thinking about this weekend that started with the VKA Meetup and ended on Monday with my Faerie Family coming to the mountains. I was thinking about our experiences together and all the journeys that have led us to finding each other. I was thinking about connection.
And then, quite suddenly, I found myself steering the car up the mountain driveway of my home that burned down.
The roads were curved like the lines on my palm. The moon carved the way on the path back home.
I put the high beams on and stood in the field of grass where the Enchanted Cottage once stood. My feet followed the stone path that used to connect to the front porch with the rocking chairs on it that Burke and I painted by hand for our anniversary. The stones have been moved by the old front staircase, and I couldn’t find where my door would have been…..so I just stood there in the dark and stared.
I thought about how quiet it was. I thought about how a year ago, I might be all curled up sleeping in bed in my house, cozy and warm. I wish I could go to her, and whisper in her ear and tell her what would happen, warn her, so she could gather her precious things, her history- but then decide that it is best to let her sleep and enjoy the bliss of not knowing. Then I wonder about the future. I wonder what our new home will end up looking like, I wonder how long it will take to build, I wonder what will happen. I write these words and then I think….one day, years from now I will look back at this journal entry and the Future Me will know these answers. And then I wish she would whisper in my ear now…
But she isn’t going to. And it’s the present and the future is unwritten.
It’s July 5, 2011 and I’m alone with the moon. I’m standing under the stars, looking up at the trees that I have looked up at for six years of my life. I’m standing on an empty lot covered with burned pieces of my old belongings, covered with dirt, covered with grass, covered with sky.
I feel the mosquitoes on my body. I don’t move to kill them. I imagine the raised bumps of their bites on my skin will spell out the answer to all of this in braille.