How NOT To Cry, Feel Useless or Murder Anyone on Valentine’s Day.

anti-valentine's-day.jpgValentine’s Day brings out a lot of emotions – and not all of them good.

Here’s my survival guide to keep you positive and loving life on February 14:

If You’re Single:  Time to go renegade and take the reigns back on this mutha effin’ holiday.

Single and 17, I was pissed when Valentine’s Day rolled around. I thought it was an evil reminder that I wasn’t one of the hand-holding couples walking down the halls of school. But instead of sulking the day away, I bought these cute Snow White Valentines’ and wrote: “Valentine’s Day is Dumb, but You’re Awesome” on every single one and then I picked 16 random lockers and stuffed the Valentine’s through the vents. I somehow felt more powerful doing that – rather than wallowing in my own singledom sorrow – I took the day back.

I was the tall, lanky goth version of cupid.


I’ve continued this tradition every year since, putting Valentine’s on car windshields, hiding them in morning newspapers for sale, leaving them on tables in a coffee shop.

I am convinced the right people will find them.

FACT: Valentine’s Day, Hallmark Holiday that it is, is about celebrating love – just because you might be single doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be included. Show the world. Spread it. You’ll feel happy knowing that you’re going to make the person’s day that finds your Valentine.

If You’re In A Relationship, Do NOT Try and Celebrate This Pressure Filled Holiday the Generic Way The Media Wants You To (i.e. “The More Money You Spend, The More You Love Her/Him”). 

I’ve had many a disastrous Valentine’s Day in relationships.  Valentine’s Day filled my mind with over-expecting wild fantasies – like:  Did he get the hint that I really have been loving that cute necklace I found on Etsy?  Is this the year I’m getting engaged?  Is the box of chocolates he’s going to get me bigger than my arms can hold?  I was really influenced by working in an office job and being surrounded by people who would come in the day after Valentine’s Day and talk about what wildly romantic things happened with them – if my story fell short, then my relationship must not measure up, right?


Valentine’s Day can be a major pressure to do everything “right” and make it super romantic – and that can just end up backfiring.  In my relationship with Burke we decided: – eff the high priced and overly-crowded dinners out, eff the dumb candy in heart shaped boxes, eff the store bought presents.   We celebrate by writing each other notes, by making each other love spells, by making a fort with chairs and blankets in our living room and a picnic style dinner on the floor with tons of pillows and candles around us.

Ain’t no store bought present, fancy restaurant dinner or manufactured candy heart that’s gonna compete with that.

FACT: If you’re in a relationship, Valentine’s Day can be pressure city. Fight the urge to do what everyone else is doing and make it your own thing! Decide together what you think would be a fun way to celebrate that is completely unique to your relationship.  Oh, yeah….and KEEP doing all these things after V-Day’s over.


If You’re Alive and Breathing – Single, In A Relationship, WHATEVER – Take the Idea of This Day To Throw Some Much Needed Love On The Person You’ve Known The Longest:  YOU.

A lot of times we are afraid to even admit what we love about ourselves.  It might seem too conceited and too ego-filled.  But indulge me for a second, and answer the questions below:

♥ In Your Life Story so Far – Name 1 Thing That You’re Really Proud Of That You’ve Done.  It could be something as far away as winning the 1st Grade Spelling Bee or as recent as sticking up for a friend last week at school.  It could be getting that promotion at work or having your video go viral on youtube.  It could be playing your first song on the ukulele or the time you submitted your article and it got published.  It could be anything!

♥What are 3 Awesome Traits That You Have?  Are you a great friend?  A good listener?  Do you excel in creative things, sports, music, etc? Are you determined and will keep going no matter what?  

FACT:   Look, if you’re reading this, you are still in this wild game of life.  You’re here – doing it.  Sometimes life can be really hard, and it’s important to take time to care for yourself.  Take the time to pat yourself on the back from the good things that you’ve done, the struggles you’ve fought through, and for the good that you put into the world.


Here’s a Valentine’s Day Tradition I Made for Myself 3 Years Ago – Wanna Join Me?

♥  Buy 3 roses in your favorite color the day BEFORE Valentine’s Day.

The night before V-Day – take the petals off of one rose and put them over your sheets and your pillow.  That way, when you wake up on Valentine’s Day – you wake up in a bed strewn in flower petals.  Not bad, huh? And they smell pretty damn amazing.

Take the petals off the second one and cup them in your hands. Make your hands like a bowl and hold all those petals inside.  Bring the petals to your heart while you are sitting down.  Imagine that inside your hands is a basket of love and it’s going directly into your heart through your chest.  Think of the answers you gave above.   Think about things you love about yourself.  Bring the petals to your face and breathe in.  Then put the petals right over your head and let the petals drop.  It’s time to shower yourself in rose petals.  If you’ve never done this before, please do it.  It sounds cheesy but it’s incredible.

Take the third rose and walk down the street on Valentine’s Day.  Give it to a perfect stranger and keep walking.  You’ll know who to give it to.  Trust me on this one – and you’re going to make someone’s day.

That’s my personal recipe to be a Goddess (or God) of Love – who wakes up on a bed of roses, who showers themselves with fragrant petals and who makes someone’s day with a rose.

How can this be bad?

That’s my tips! Do you have any traditions or ways of dealing with Valentine’s Day that you’d like to share?

I love reading your comments – they keep me going and keep me writing!  Please share a tradition below or share an answer to one of the questions above.  Let us LOVE on you.  And if you’ve enjoyed this article and think it will help others – please share.
PS I have been fighting this flu mostly sideways for 2 solid weeks, and this one deserved a repost this year. Next week starts the NEW Danger Diary Schedule for Posts: Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
See you Monday!

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