Veronica Varlow's Danger Dame

When I saw what remained of our beloved house, I fell in front of it on my knees because my legs stopped working and I felt safer on the ground. I imagined that somehow, I could sink into the ground alongside our home and bring it back up. As much as my entire soul wanted that, it was not meant to be.
It was cold.
It was pouring rain.
There was nothing left but smoke and the blackness of a skeleton of our dream in front of us.

I understand the words “beside myself”. I feel like the person typing this and the person walking around and moving my body and talking to others is not me at the moment. I’m somewhere beside myself……watching things happen.
Our home was our friend. The first day we saw it, we knew it was ours. It was love at first sight. Even though it had so much work to be done on it, we could see the potential and the magic of this 100 year old structure on the mountain.
On March 11, 2005, it was ours. I made a batch of potent love spell herbs and Burke and I spread them in a circle around the house – the rose buds and lavender and cardamom trailing behind us in the snow. We put the herbs under our floor, and in the walls. It was a brand new dream for us. A house of our own.
We were married there in the field and all of our friends and family came to help us fix the house and we saw more magic in it every day. On Father’s Day in 2006, my Dad and I painted each Victorian baluster on the front porch from sunrise to sunset. Each one, carefully with small paint brushes, we painted mint, purple and sky blue. Later, I remember the triumphant smashing of the very low 7 foot ceiling as we demolished an old attic to make way for a beautiful 16 foot vaulted ceiling. I remember the day that the sunshine streamed through the sky lights in the roof and hit the living room walls for the first time in the home’s 100 year old history.
When I would go on tour and be away from home for long periods of time, I would close my eyes and imagine walking through the house. I would imagine the tiny morning light rainbows from the crystals in our bedroom window, I would imagine sitting on the porch in our rocking chairs waiting for the symphony of fireflies in the field. I used to call the phone number, when I was on the road. It felt good to know I was making bells ring in the silence of the house… I was saying hello.
It was my safe space in the world.
Every single time that Burke and I left, we said goodbye to the house together in the living room. We would thank the house for giving us such a beautiful place to live in. We would thank the house for its magic and the calm, warm feeling it had that would recharge us. We loved our house. It was a place that Burke and I, who have roamed so long could finally call “home.” A place that was ours that we would have when we were old people, rocking side by side on its old front porch.
But in the fire, that dream died. Our home, one we cared for and loved so much, was burned to the ground. Along with our childhood memories, our stuffed animals, our family photos, my magic Grandma Helen’s jewelry, a sign and wooden ducks that my Grandpa had carved with his own hands, all of our wedding things and our magic things, 15 years worth of my journals…….
We lost our history in flames.
Two things came to mind immediately when I got there – my Grandma’s iron bell wheel that was one of her magic things that meant the world to me, and the journal that I started writing Burke after our first date, that recounted the first year of us falling in love that I gave to him on our wedding day. I had to find these things. In the pouring rain, I talked to the spirits, begging them to assist us.
From the ashes, the skeleton of my Grandma’s wheel of bells was recovered…..the bells that she spoke to me through were melted to ash, but the cast iron frame remained.
I wondered out loud to Burke if he thought the bells might have rang out one last time as the flames touched them. A final ring to bless the house and say goodbye before they melted to ash. Tears fall down my face as I write these words. I like to think that they did sing one last lullaby to our beloved home.
By a miracle of miracles, although everything else was destroyed, the journal I wrote for Burke survived. It is charred badly on all sides. There are only a few words to be made out on each page, ringed in black. But that paper with words of love survived the fire that burned through solid beams of wood and disintegrated everything else.
We spent the next four hours in a friend’s house, in our soaking wet clothes, in shock, peeling one page after another out of what was left of the journal, so that they could dry. Burke and I did this without emotions, like zombies of our former selves, peeling each wet burned page from the journal like layers of an onion.
But then I got to the last page where fire had singed most of my written words. I could only read a few words, but in my memory I knew what they had said. It was the page where I had once written something along the lines of…. “My darling, the best gift that I could ever give you on our wedding day, is this journal that I kept for the first year that I was falling in love with you. This is so that one day, when we are 80 and when we have forgotten many things, you can look back at this gift and read about our young adventures in detail, see the flowers I pressed, the tickets and notes I saved and read of the love that we were discovering. You can read about stories of Poof and little Gret, our beloved animal friends who have passed on since this journal was first written and remember how dear they were to us. You can press your face to the rose petals I saved and remember how much I have always loved you. I have loved you from the first day that I ever laid eyes on you. And this journal proves, that I knew all along. I knew all along that we would be standing here one day, across from each other, exchanging our vows. And someday, when we are long gone from this earth, and our spirits are entwined in the otherworld, later generations will have this journal. Our love story will live forever in the pages of this book.”
Then I looked at all we had rescued, maybe 30 pages burned pretty badly, my accounts of time, and for the second time that day, found myself on the ground, in tears.
Goodbye, Home. Goodbye, our sweet Enchanted Cottage. Thank you for providing us such comfort and safety when you were here. Goodbye, childhood things and written words and family treasures – I will write the memories of you down in other books and honor you. I will not forget you as the years pass by.
I carry a sliver from the wood of the house in my hand from digging in the ashes. As I type, I can see it. I can’t bear to take it out. I need to carry the house with me a little bit longer…..
And in all this sadness, I look at Burke and I look at Niney curled in a ball beside me…….. and in my heart, I know that my home is wherever they are.
We shall rise from the ashes.
Veronica

With a new friend in one of the coffeehouses on the road.
We are the strays, my friends, moving from town to town….
In each town we move to, we always hit the local coffeehouses, hug other people’s dogs, get lost in a good cup of cappuccino and our journals and pick up maps. There’s always free maps. I just like looking at them, seeing the names of roads, the curve of the town. We talk to the people there – hearing their stories, wondering what life would be like to live there.
We generally have about 12 hours in a town, a “slice of life”, if you will. We are the strangers.
We lug our 1940s train cases filled with our makeup and our toothpaste and face wipes and our pretty soaps in truck stop bathrooms and we bring the glamour to roadsides in the middle of a long sleepy stretch of highway. We sleep in our cocoon bunks decorated with pictures of our loved ones taped on the walls and bras that get thrown at us. My magic wooden box is always next to my pillow, filled with my oils, my special rocks, my tarot cards, and a lonely button from my lover’s shirt. My train case sleeps at my feet. The bus hums back and forth in time with the pavement, sailing along with yellow lines of road.
When I wake up, it’s generally around 6am when the sun is rising – I sit curled up at the front of the bus watching the world go by. I sit there and think in the quiet. My eyes look for signs, names of towns, old roadside attractions. Then I fall back asleep and dream of traveling. Of moving.
This morning I was alone on the couch at dawn, perched next to the window, watching the snowy mountains and icy rivers along the Oregon trail. There was a large square sign in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the mountain, and the moment we passed it, I turned quickly in my seat to see what it said on the other side. But it was blank. On both sides. Just a big glorious wooden square sign in the middle of a mountain, on the edge of nowhere. It’s a place to write your wishes, I thought. And I closed my eyes and chalked my wish upon the sign.
We are dreaming in the center of the universe.
Long live the gypsies of the roads…….
and good fortune to all who are kind to us wandering girls when we find our way across maps into your town.
xo

So my Partner-In-Crime, Burke Heffner, directed NerdCore Rapper Schaffer the Darklord’s latest video, The Bender.
It involves:
Comic Con. The downward spiral of substance abuse. Burlesque Girls. Jail Time. Waking up in an alley in a hospital gown.
It’s worth taking a look at just for the complete and utter awesomeness that is the Jail Dance they do behind bars. That’s some choreography right there.
This is a cautionary tale, Kids. Don’t do this at home.
This video is definitely Not Safe For Work. Don’t watch it if you’re under 18, because I don’t want to be responsible for single handedly corrupting your mind even if it is a joke. So the rest of you over 18s out of work people – enjoy the video!
And no, I’m not in it. I was on the European tour when this craziness was going down. It’s probably for the best. I hate waking up in the gutter in Chinatown.

So here I am. It’s after two in the morning. I’m in the mountains right now where my soul gets all quiet. I just went outside with Niney and looked up at the vast sky of stars and now I’m sitting inside – near a fire, and candles and twinkling strands of white christmas light things that we have up year round that make me happy.
I wonder where in the world you are. I wonder if we’ve ever spoken. I wonder if we know each other really well or if we’re just passing ships in the night on the sea of cyberspace.
I was writing in my book journal moments ago and I was compelled to just reach out and write something here to share.
So – there’s two things that I was writing about in my book journal and it just seemed appropriate. This entry will probably be long….it is after 2am, I’m sitting in the dark next to a roaring fire with this device cradled in my lap that I can communicate anywhere in the world with – so I figured…..let’s talk, right?
This is where I can express my feelings and the random things that come into my brain. I hope all of the below story will make sense to you. I am a girl who is deeply touched by human connection and the mysteries of nature and I’m not afraid to get emotional about it. It may seem silly to some, but this is my journal and I can’t half-ass it. I go full out.
Welcome to my world.
This is what runs through my mind this early in the morning…the marvel of our connections with each other. Can I write words here that will make you feel less alone in the world that you can read at all hours in the morning as I type them? Can you inspire me to change my life for the better through a few words in your blog or through sharing a positive or impactful experience you had? The answer is yes. We can have that effect on each other and it’s a powerful force.
Case in point: Two years ago, I saw a youtube video of an amazing poi fire spinner named Burning Dan. My old roommate spun fire and I was always intrigued by the beauty of it. I imagined myself trying to do it, but I just figured I’d be really clumsy about it and it probably wouldn’t work. From time to time, I’d read Burning Dan’s journal and I’d watch a bunch of videos of him spinning and him teaching others to spin and smile. I liked his style. He was really encouraging to others, and he seemed like he lived his life with adventure.
Fast forward to two months ago (after all these years of dreaming about it), I walked into my first poi spinning class. I was really scared to do it – but I’ve been going every week and I love it. The picture above is me spinning with my practice poi on top of the mountain. I can honestly say it’s made my life better. When I’ve been dealing with crazy things, or upsetting things, I’ll just go outside and start spinning and immediately I feel uplifted.
Unfortunately, I heard word a few weeks ago, that Burning Dan passed away suddenly. I was so upset. I went to go tell Burke with tears in my eyes. And something struck me… here is this person, who I have never ever met, who had such an impact on me and inspired me with their craft and their positivity and their love of life…..just by reading his blog and watching a few youtube videos. It made me realize what a connection that we can have to each other here. ….We can share so much and change the world for the better by the good things that we put out there. Through watching Burning Dan’s videos and reading his positive message, I was inspired to learn something scary and new – and I am grateful for that. I wish I would have gotten the chance to give him a hug and thank him, or to write him a letter and let him know what a positive effect he had on my life. But sadly, I can’t. So I’m writing it here to share with you. I’m writing it here to put out there into the universe.
Thank you, Dan.
Now the second story is intertwined in the above story – and it also includes you and me. You and I, Dear Reader.
I was writing about my favorite parts of Summer 2010 that I didn’t want to forget and I was writing down something that happened in mid-September that affected me deeply.
One of my favorite parts of the Summers here on the East coast of the US are the fireflies. They come out in June and July and they light up the sky with their symphony – talking to each other – blinking signals in the night. The females stay on the ground mostly and the males fly around using light code to talk with the females. When we go up to our little cottage on the mountain, I can sit out for hours watching them light up the dark forest. They are, and have always been, otherworldly to me.
In mid-September, Burke and I came back to the cottage pretty late one night. That morning, I had been thinking of how much I missed the fireflies – how it isn’t the same without them at nighttime. As we walked up to the cottage, I saw a dull glow in the grass. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me because it was September, but I got down on the ground and put my face inches away from the glow….and there she was…..the last firefly of 2010. Burke and I laid down on the grass watching the glow go on and off, very dimly. I couldn’t believe it. Two months after the fireflies had disappeared for the year – here was the last one.
Suddenly, I felt the tears running down my face. Here she was. All alone. The last of her kind for the year. The other fireflies of Summer 2010 were long gone and here she was blinking a soft glow into a dark night.
It just made all of these thoughts rush through my head. It made me think of all of the times in my life where I felt like I was communicating and not being heard, or when I felt alone or misunderstood. Because we’ve all felt that, haven’t we? We can all understand that occasional feeling of being alone even when we’re surrounded by a billion people.
But here was this creature….who was truly alone….who was the last of her kind. Blinking softly – awaiting some response in the night.
It made me emotional because I wish I could have blinked back. I wish I could have let this creature know how much it meant to me. I wish I could have let it know that that simple beauty of their communication in Summer nights is always one of my best and magical memories every year. I wish I could have communicated that my life has been enhanced by the very existence of fireflies.
But I couldn’t communicate that. I could only sit there and watch its dim glow attempting to reach out to others long gone.
Then something beautiful happened.
A little bit away, another one blinked softly. There was one other left. And this relief washed over me that this wasn’t the last firefly. That it wasn’t alone.
The whole experience really struck me.
I feel like that when I hear other people’s life experiences or when I read blogs of others. I feel like we put our lights out there. We share our emotions and what we are thinking and our daily experiences. And like my case with Burning Dan, even if I never reached out to him, I saw his light. And his light made me want to glow brighter and reach higher as a person.
We can have that effect on each other.
Be kind. Put good things out there. Know that you’re not alone and through all the highs and lows of this beautiful life – we are all fighting the good fight together.
And I’m over here just a little bit away – softly glowing into the dark night.

Time to put the “Vamp” in your Vampire this Halloween. For the first time this October, I am teaching two hands-on workshops for weaving love, seduction and success magic… my spellbinding specialties.
In each class, you not only learn the secrets, but create your own magic item to bring home.
Both classes are being offered at the special price of $50 with ALL materials included. If you sign up for both classes, you receive “Gypsy Queen” status and get $10 off the total as my gift to you! Scroll to the bottom to sign up for both!
Sunday, October 24th from 6-8pm: The Vamp’s Enchantment
A true Vamp knows how to use her own magic to draw opportunities, success and love to her….my class will teach you how! This two hour class starts with candle magic, a powerful way to va-va-voom your potential in passion and success. In class, I will teach you how to carve ancient magic symbols into your own candle, annoint with oils renowned for their seduction properties, and decorate with colored glitter and honey to create a striking magical tool! Based on how you etch your candle, I will also show you how to do your own “reading” to determine what your natural strengths are and which direction you should focus on heading. This is an old gypsy divination that will help you move forward into the rest of the year as the powerful, alluring dame you were meant to be! This spell will help you solidly define your dream opportunities and will draw them to you. It will also “open the road” from any obstacles, so you can obtain goals with ease. Candle magic done right will enhance your magnetism to others.
I will review and give recipes for other seduction magics such as how to properly create a mojo bag (or gris gris bag) – that I learned from an old Voodoo Queen in New Orleans. Did you know that musical legend Louis Armstong wouldn’t go on stage without his mojo bag in his pocket? Want that same hypnotic quality? Learning how to amplify your own personal magic is helpful to boost your success in work, performance, love and life! I will teach you how to create your own at home and what ingredients you simply can’t do without! I will also give my own favorite home made recipes for the magic art of bathing and “glamouring”. Leave this class ready to enchant!
Class is LIMITED! All materials are included in the price. Sign up early so I can prepare your candles.
SOLD OUT.
Saturday, October 30th from 2-4pm: Love Spell Seductress
Cleopatra was a renowned seductress who used the magic of scent and charms to make an entire dynasty fall in love with her. Mata Hari seduced with jewels shimmering on her skin and flower charms she would string and adorn in her hair. Every seductress needs her magical tools to allure and boost her charms. In this workshop, I will divulge one of my strongest secrets.
This technique is something unique to my gypsy heritage and is not found in ANY book! Using finely spun silk ribbon and delicate rosebuds, I will teach you how to create your own Gypsy Rose Chain of Love. If you are looking for that special someone, I will show you how to call and draw the right soul mate to you. If you are in a committed relationship, I will show you how to make your bonds stronger and even more passionate. Every night, I sleep under the love chain that I created. It will enhance your beauty, boost your magnetic draw and will have others see the very “best” you!
This is one of the most powerful magics I have! And you will take home your own beautiful rose chain at the end of class. I will show you how to create your powerful intentions behind it and I will show you additional powerful “glamouring” magics not covered in the other class.
Be ADORED.
Again, class is limited! Sign up early so I can prepare your magic materials to bring to class!
SOLD OUT.
Take BOTH classes and become a Gypsy Queen by Halloween! And receive a $10 discount off the total as my gift to you. Click on the button below to sign up for both!
These are fun classes to take with a friend! Pass it on!
Time to enchant….
Veronica

Last night, I had just shut off the lights in my apartment and looked out my window to see the two ghostly light towers in the city. It was a few hours until September 11th and tears came to my eyes remembering all that we had lost, not just as New York City, not just as America, but what humanity as a whole lost that day.
I remember those we lost and their families every year.
This year, as I hobbled out onto the sidewalk with Niney by my side, I looked up at the blue cloudless sky and thought about how grateful I am to be here. How grateful I am to have this day and that it’s a new day. No matter where you are or who you are – if you are reading this right now… you can take this new day and make it whatever you want it to be. Every day we wake up, we get another chance to live our dreams, to affect other’s lives for the good, and to enjoy every second. We get a brand new chance every day. And living that brand new day to the fullest is how to truly honor those we have lost.
Passing by huge sunflowers on our walk and looking out over the deep blue of the East River this morning, I thought about how truly grateful I am for the amazing people in my life, for my family, for the VKA, for the chance to live in this great city, and for the chance to make my living doing what I love. I thought of so many people who have touched me and I decided to honor those lost on 9/11 – I was going to reach out to people in my life – and let them know what a difference they have made. I wrote a letter to a long lost great Aunt of mine this morning who was my Grandmother’s sister and I wrote a letter to one of the best friends that I’ve ever had in my lifetime.
When I went off to mail those letters, I stopped by my PO box and a collection of letters fell out from Costa Rica, from Germany, from Chicago, from Canada, from Norway and from England. You have NO idea how much your letters and packages mean to me. You reaching out to me and sending love from all over the world touched me so deeply – and the fact that I got them on this day really had an affect on me.
THANK YOU. I am grateful to all of you. If your eyes are reading these words right now, I am thanking you, dear Reader. I am so happy that our paths have crossed, that we can affect each other in the most wonderful of ways and that we hold in ourselves the ability to change the world. Because I absolutely believe with all of my heart that love is stronger than hatred or confusion. And I know that today – love is victorious and can change the world for the better.
Write a letter today, give someone a hug today, tell someone how much you appreciate them today. It’s the best way we can celebrate being alive.
I love and appreciate you guys every single day of my life. <3
I am re-posting an entry that I wrote years ago about September 11th. I re-post it every year to remind myself and to remember those lost.

The above picture is one I took out of my side window at my apartment on a beautiful sunset in July of 2001.
When I first got to New York City in 1998 and was going to college, I made my living working as a tour guide on the double decker buses. New York City has always been a love story for me. Full of history and stories, poetry and bustling life. It was a place I dreamed of coming to for forever. After being here for years, I never lost my wide-eyed innocence of the city. I worked the tour buses, cruising the circles and streets of the city over and over each day. It was during this time, I immersed myself even further into the structure of the city. The buildings were my friends, in a time when I was lonely – I had their stories and their history to build around me and comfort me.
On Summer nights, I used to sit with my legs dangling out of my window, wishing on the red blinking light on top of the second tower of the Twin Towers. It’s hard to see stars in the city sky, so I would look towards the peacefulness of the blinking red light on that tower. It was the highest point in the skyline of the city. I imagined that everytime the soft red light blinked, a wish would come true to all of the dreamers who looked out their windows in the city.
Three years ago, they were evacuating us. I was crossing the Williamsburg Bridge on foot with hundreds of other people when I heard that tower with the blinking light fall behind me. I knew what the sound was. I knew the second tower had collapsed. I didn’t even want to turn around and look. I leaned against the railing with people that I didn’t know and we all cried.
I got my things together and then once again crossed to bridge to go back to the nearest trauma hospital to the towers to volunteer. I will never forget that day. We waited and waited for them to come in. Anyone. Someone we could save. The firefighters returned with eyes bloodshot from liquid glass. A man from the Ironworkers Union, a big man, came to me looking for his friends. They had all rushed into the towers to save people, the towers started to collapse as he was helping people out. He got separated from his friends and couldn’t find them. I held him in my arms for a really long time. The world changed that day.
The next day their faces were everywhere. Posted on missing person posters lining the city streets. I wrote down their names in my journal. I didn’t want them to be lost. Writing their names down was my way to try and fight against death.
I wasn’t going to write anything today. It was just really hard. But this morning, I passed by Engine Company 33, who lost many brave men to September 11th. I sat there, across from the firehouse at 7:30 this morning, when I saw moms and little kids walking in, families of the fallen firefighters. I knew I had to say something here. Something for them. For Michael Boyle, for David Arce, for Shannon Fava…for so many others.
My heart goes out to you that have lost loved ones. My heart goes out to the fallen heroes and the people that lost their lives. I wish there was something I could have done.
I will never forget you.

Only a Few Spaces Left!

Psst….come here…….I want to share my secrets with you, and I want to set you boldly on your own gorgeous course of taking over the world. Are you ready??
WORKSHOP DETAILS!
Let me be your personal confidence, style and seduction coach!
Using some of the lessons from my experience as a coach on MTV’s award-winning show, MADE, I will guide you to be a powerful creatrix of your own life! Let’s throw your wildest, most gorgeous dreams on the table and make them realities. I have secrets to make the impossible POSSIBLE!
I will teach you charms that modern day society will never teach you…..
Danger Dames is open to all women 18 years and over, all sizes, all backgrounds, all levels of confidence.
Our four week sessions together will include topics such as:
*Ways to Master Self -Confidence. I will share secrets on how to feel comfortable in your own skin, tips on how to carry yourself (and your purse!) to show the world you are in control!
*How to Create Your Unique Identity. I will help you cultivate what is truly unique about you and give you tips on how to bring your dreams to the forefront and be the best YOU you can be!
*How to Own a Room (or dominate the world). Ways to become unforgettable using poise, psychological strategy and body language.
*Dream Building, Focus and Staying on Course. Finding your passions, making a plan, and finding your own personal support team.
I am only accepting 13 students for the June session to give you as much one-on-one time as possible. The class will be meeting in a convenient Tribecca location in Manhattan. The dates are: June 3rd, 10th, 17th and 24th from 7pm to 9pm. Special introductory price of $99!
Click Here To Register!

It’s a great class to take with a friend! Here are some things my students have said:
“You’re the best influence I’ve ever had in my life.” – Andrea Martin on MTV’s MADE.
“Veronica Varlow sees the beauty in You, and in falling under Her spell, you fall under YOUR spell. ” – Coco La Pearl
“I loved the class! I wished it lasted FOREVER!” – Dame Beso
“Veronica – you gave us such great advice, opportunities, tricks, etc! Thank you!” – Miss Amanda Jones
“Your class is like a super-stylish, slumber party!” – Tallulah Luv
Let’s make some real magic together! See you there….
xoxox
Veronica

I am beside myself with the outpouring of love through facebook, twitter, youtube, for my birthday. Seriously. Happy tears are rolling down my cheeks right now as I type this. I cannot even believe all of you beautiful people exist in this world. I am blessed and HONORED to have all of you in my life. You guys are my fucking heart and that’s the truth. THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS THE BEST BIRTHDAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. I am happy to know that all of you are out there in the world – living your dreams and making this world a better place.
WE ARE ON THE ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME TOGETHER!
Know that.
This is the year of world domination for all of us. All of my love, every single tiny drop of blood in my body and every pitter pat of my heart belongs to you…. I love you guys more than you will ever know…….. I could not have dreamed a better life….a better story…… Thank you for walking side by side with me on this amazing journey. You have changed my everything.

In the early morning hours of Sunday, I had a dream of rain for the very first time in my life. There I was in the dream, in a sundress at nighttime, out on an empty street alone, barefoot and dancing in the rain. I could feel the rain drip down my hair and onto my shoulders. It felt as though it was really happening, that I had found this empty place where soft rain fell somewhere in the corners of my mind. I felt very free and alive.
A female voice called out into the night and said, “Come in from the rain, you’re going to catch a cold….”
I didn’t listen. I kept dancing and exploring the streets in my slip and my dripping wet hair.
I woke up with a 100 degree fever.
I can’t say I wasn’t warned….but it was worth it to dance all night someplace far away in the rain…

Since the story below was not captured in a picture, I will instead post this photo of me to remind you that yes, sometimes I am silly. Sometimes I try to mimic a random picture of cotton candy with a face on it. And that’s okay. Anyway….
Today. I’m in the subway, on my way to an audition and I’ve got crystal encrusted flowers all over my hair, I’ve got the cause-a-wind-storm-by-blinking huge false eyelashes on, I’ve got the five inch heels, the vintage wiggle dress and blood red lipstick. Yes. At this point, both you and I are seriously doubting my logic in taking the subway. I should also mention it is 2 in the afternoon, so I’m surrounded by business casual Friday afternoon people who are also confused about this, too.
Anyway… I notice this huge, hulking, very intimidating guy across from me staring. Which, I mean, I’m a sight, so I’m not mad at that. But then the girl next to me gets up and gets off at the next stop and he stands up and sits down next to me. And when I say next to me, I mean – rightnexttome. In which the most genius conversation of my life then happens:
Hulking Guy: Hey! You’re pretty! What do you do? What are you doing?
Me: Thank you! I’m on the way to an audition. (Which was true.)
Hulking Guy: Oh really? For what?
And I have no idea what made me say this. But I looked him dead in the eye and said:
“RuPaul’s Drag Race.”
END OF CONVERSATION.
*WIN*
Thank you and Good night!