How To Make Anyone Fall In Love With You.

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“It’s like finding the wi-fi in your soul,” he said.

“Yeah. Yeah. Something like that.”

I was renting a truck and we were talking about this post that I’m writing to you right now:

What makes us fall in love with each other?

How do we open up that “wi-fi to our souls” and find connection with others?

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For the next 3 Fridays here on Danger Diary,
I’ll be exploring the secrets behind making anyone fall in love with you.
I figured it’s good knowledge to have tucked away for your wild weekends…
and I’m gearing up to teach Sensuality and Allure, both in-person in NYC and online all over the world in the next few weeks –
(which you should totally come to…because I’d love it)
… so it’s ON MY MIND.

Okay.
It’s on my mind all the time.

So I write this post looking at what other people have done to make them seem irresistible to me.
What things have made me pursue friendships and love relationships in my life?

I spoke to other people about this –
people that just crossed my path in a random day….

What makes you fall in love with other people?

In the next three Fridays, I’ll reveal the three things I uncovered across the board in my findings…

The First Rule To Get ANYONE To Fall In Love With You:

Fantasy Connections

What do I mean by that?

Okay. No matter who you are…
You, at one point in your lifetime,
have gotten completely swoon-ish
over a musician, an actor, or a writer that you don’t know in real life.

Am I right?

In every single person that I’ve spoken with,
male and female,
every single one of them recalled an absolute “head over heels” lust/love
for one of these versions of artists.

Sid Vicious was mine.
And he was already dead.
So he couldn’t break my heart any more.
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The reason WHY we ALL have some kind of first crush/first love on these types of people, is because no matter who we are, we all have some kind of fantasy of being them.

Imagine your first super crush on someone who didn’t know (like a celebrity) –
I ask you this…
wouldn’t you want to do what they are doing or have the lifestyle that they have?

Part of that “love” charge is seeing a deep-seeded fantasy that you have for yourself come alive through someone else.

THAT is one of the major reasons that we fall in love with each other –
that on some level,
the person of your affections,
is doing something that in some way YOU want to do,
or has a lifestyle you’ve fantasized about.

In fact, every single one of my closest friends that I capital L. O. V. E.
is doing something that my fantasy self would want to do (if I could live a billion lifetimes at once).

They inspire me, fascinate me, intrigue me and make me fall in love.

Want to be someone that people can’t RESIST?

What is your personal fantasy?
What are you pushing forward in your life?

One trick I learned is the answer to that dreaded “What do you do?” question.
When I was temping – and my job was okay, but not my life goal or what defined me,
I would answer with things I was working on…

like… “Well, I just started doing burlesque recently and I’m really excited about that.”

In conversation, mention the things that you are working on, stuff that makes you feel passionate or alive.

Focus on these things rather than the really boring “work sucks” or the “weather sucks” conversations, because well,
they suck.

If you want people to fall in love with you,
you need to focus your own life
to be the fantasy YOU want.

I feel like everyone has a “magnet” inside them…
and if you are doing what you love, working on things you love and feeling more like “the real you” – your magnet will be strong to attract likeminded others to you.

What is one of your favorite dreams about YOU?
Put this into action.
Even a small step forward will be something you can interestingly bring up in conversation…
and it will snowball to good things.

People who do what they are passionate about are the most irresistible.
Keep being you.
Keep taking those steps towards things that make you feel more “you” than usual.
People who constantly grow can make anyone fall in love them…..

TRUTH.

Do you agree with this?
Share your comments!
And next Friday I will continue the segment.

Falling in love with you already.

Love it? Share it.

First Kiss: The 11 Secret Messages You Send


Let’s get down with one of my favorite subjects….
The Kiss.
I watched this the first time with the sound off….
)

This video went viral on Tuesday, and then got a lot of flack because the people involved are models, musicians and performers – but say what you will – there is real life chemistry in this video and here’s what you can learn from it:

About the Way We Flirt

♥ Hair Touching Signals: During a 51 second time period in the above video, a woman touches her hair every 15 seconds (watch at 10 seconds, 26 seconds, 35 seconds, 50 seconds and again at 1:01 seconds) This is a tell-tale instinctual flirting sign.

♥ Mirroring: At 2:52, notice the woman mirroring the exact same stance as the man with her hands behind her back. We mirror the actions people we are attracted to.

♥  Slightly Exaggerated Facial Expressions: Notice all the lip biting, lip licking and raised eyebrows with direct eye contact before the kiss even takes place. Women also tend to blink more around someone they are interested in (watch :10-:15 and :34-:35 to see a lot of blinking going on). Heightened facial expressions are a subtle sign of interest.

♥  The Eye Contact Gaze/Look Away/Gaze Back: We speak volumes with eye contact. The classic move of holding a direct gaze, looking down or away and then holding that gaze again is a subconscious flirting MUST. When looking at videoed performances of my burlesque routines, that is one thing I notice myself doing consistently – it’s my natural instincts in effect – flirting with the audience.

♥   The Innocent Brush Against: Notice our girl at 2:49, brushing down his chest after the kiss and then going on to mirror his body language. She is loving this guy.

♥   The All-Encompassing Move. Notice how the woman moves at the 1:14 mark – she leans in to his right and to his left while looking down and then ends touching his forehead with her own. This is a super hot flirty move – plus the foreheads touching signifies connection. Those moments before a kiss are electric…make them last with softly brushing noses, coming inches away from their lips with your own, and dragging the side of your face along theirs.

About the Way We Kiss

The interesting tell-tale signs of a kiss have nothing to do with the mouth to mouth part. It has everything to do with where we place our hands.

♥  The Romantic Kiss.   At 1:37 – the woman’s hands clasped behind his neck is the classic I’m-feeling-super-romantic-toward-you move. Think faerie tales and poetry.

♥ The I Want You Now Kiss.  Grabbing your lover’s face and cradling their face in your hands is a lusty hot signal. Watch 2:07 – serious, Brother, damn those are some moves.  I also like to throw in raking my nails across the back of a lover’s neck and taking their earlobe between my thumb and pointer finger and squeezing.

♥ The I Think You’re Cool But I’m Not Into You Kiss. At 2:02, notice how the couple is holding each other at the waist with distance in between like they are slow dancing in middle school. This couple has a appreciation connection, but there’s no love match there.

♥ The I’m A Little Kinky Kiss. At 2:18, notice our guy biting her upper lip. This is a playful message that he’s into a bit more than just your average romance.

♥ The Sensualist Kiss.  At 2:24, notice their noses softly dragging across each other while they kiss slowly. These are people who like to take their time and indulge in a world of passion.

What does your kissing style say about you?

Special Message to You:  After Tuesday’s post on the Terry Richardson scandal and my own brush with a manipulative photographer, I want to thank all of you who shared, re-tweeted and commented.

I can’t stop the predators, but I can share my experience in their tactics to help you recognize them and get out of there.

Thank you for reading – this is for you:

Love,
Veronica
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The 3 Most Erotic Places To Touch Someone With Your Clothes Still On

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You.

Yeah, you.

Don’t think that I don’t see the page views soar through the roof here when I give some sassy tips.

You naughty thing.

Well, I’ll indulge you.  Because it’s almost Valentine’s Day.  And I know exactly what you want.

I have schemes AND scientific backup.  Damn. Ready to be schooled?

♥  The Hands

Science:   A Mayo Clinic Study found that the sensitivity of our palms of our hands are second only to *ahem* down there.

Story:  Junior Year High School.  Study Hall.  I’m the goth punk freak that exactly three people talk to.   Cool kid, Jennifer Belsy, overhears me telling my friend that I’ve been reading palms since I was 10 and that the sight runs in my family.   Jennifer sticks out her palm to put my eyes on and the next day, *bam* I suddenly have a line of girls (who previously never knew I existed) waiting to be read.

If I knew then what I know know, I would have been class president by the end of the year. Most people do not realize how sensitive, intimate and receptive our palms are. Business people talk about how important a handshake is, and they are right!

DO this:  Grab your crush’s hand, and expose their palm face up, cradling their hand in your own. With your free hand, gently drag your fingers from their wrist to their fingertips, unfolding their hand if it is clenched, relaxing their fingers to a gentle curve if they are stretched stiff and straight.

Then using the most delicate touch, trace your fingertips along the lines of their palm.  When your crush asks what you see…. murmur… “mmmm, interesting.”  Study the palm chart below so that you have some idea of what you’re talking about, and call out the names of each line as you trace.  Lean close.  Make sure you look directly into your crush’s eyes as you say….”this is your love line” and drop your eyes back down to the palm…. “this is your life line” and drop your eyes, and so on. 

Finish with an insightful Hmmmm, then fold their hand back up and release it.  When they press you for secrets (like you’ve just been hypnotized through touch and will now be my sex slave forever) tell your crush you’re just learning, but say it in a confident way that lets them know you know exactly what lies in their future.

This chart is your friend:

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For more info – Gala has got a damn good Palmistry 101 post.

♥ The Scalp

Science:  Giving someone a scalp massage releases a chemical in the brain known as  oxytocin, a stress blocking hormone that provides a sense of calm while enhancing sexual pleasure, says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D.

Story:  In high school, I worked at a hair salon – I would answer phones, check people in and schedule appointments . One day, after a stylist called in sick and they were overwhelmed with clients – they asked me to do the shampoos.  Now.  Keep in mind, I’m not allowed to date, I’m 17 and haven’t even held anyone’s hand yet (minus a spin-the-bottle girl kiss) and I am wildly repressed.  Teenage hormones are raging through my body and I’m an untouchable.  The mere thought of touching anyone’s head seemed so overwhelmingly sensual to me.  I lathered up that shampoo and went for it – dragging my nails and scrubbing slowly.

After that day, women would come in and personally request me to shampoo their hair.  I went from a floor sweeping no-one to shampoo pervert specialist.   I got to New York City on the tips that I saved from that job!

Do This:  You know how people are always trying to do the back massage thing?  Here’s a fact – shoulder blades – not an erogenous zone.
Scalp?  Yes, please!
Turn the tables on a boring back massage by walking your fingers up to the scalp.  Start from the back of the neck at the bottom of the skull and start to massage.  Let your fingers fan out.  In other words, start with fingertips all close together in a spot and let them all glide apart slowly, each finger parting the hair.  Glide the tips of fingers and fingernails right along the scalp.  Once you’ve reached the top of the head you can step it up a little by starting at the bottom again and this time, after fanning your fingers out, close them again catching the hair in your fist, gently pull the hair a little before releasing. Be careful not to pull single strands, but distribute the pressure evenly over the whole handful. Your crush will be begging for more!

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♥  Behind Earlobes and Along Jaw.

Science:  The Kinsey Institute has classified this area as an erogenous zone for both men and women.  Body language studies have shown that when men or women are flirting – they subconsciously tend to expose their neck to their person of interest.

Story:   Vampires.  I’m obsessed with them.  And not the sparkly kind.  When I discovered Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles – the stories were dark, sensual and mysterious.  Before I even had my first kiss, I would fantasize about what it would be like to be bitten on the neck.  I wanted to wander across a vampire so badly – because – hey…
1.  Eternal life.
2.  Neck bites.
Sold.

Do This:  Pretend your crush has a stray strand of hair on their cheek.  Sweep it aside and tuck it behind their ear.  But do it SLOWLY.  Drag your fingertips along the back of their ear and behind the earlobe and down the curve behind the jaw.  Play very casual, but it may take a second or third brushing to get them looking (and feeling) just right. Then announce, “That’s better.” And act like nothing just happened.  Meanwhile, your crush is melting.  Trust me.

Once you’ve snagged your Crush and neck touching is totally legal – take a feather to the back of their ear and trace it slowly along their jawline.

Who knew this innocent little feather would be a powerful weapon of seduction?

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Happy Valentine’s Day, you Naughty Things.
Bites and Feathers,
Veronica
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Valentine’s Day Edition: 3 Ways To Arouse Your Lover Without Touching Them

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From making my living as a burlesque performer for the past six years,
I’ve learned secrets of how to engage and intrigue from a distance.
Here are three of my favorite secrets to really cast a love spell on your crush.
These 3 techniques aren’t limited to the stage, they can work in an office, classroom, bar, or bedroom.

Secret Number 1: Come a Little Closer… the Scientific and Sensual Effect of a Whisper.
Close your eyes and think about it – the last time someone brushed inches away from your ear and whispered.
Whispering means a secret….
and everyone loves secrets.
It also means…this is just for you. We are co-conspirators.
I’m whispering so that no one else can hear my words but you – which packs a sensual punch.
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It’s so saucy and triggers wild chemicals in our brains – it even has a name: Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR). This term was coined to describe ‘a sensory experience characterized by a pleasant tingling sensation in the head and scalp’.

Whispering does just that.

Living in New York City, with construction sounds, honking, loud voices and music – I’ve learned to block a lot of sounds out. But a whisper will get me hyper-focused – and snap me to attention in a second. On Steady Health, the phenomena of whispering was known to create an “Attention Induced Head Orgasm” (AIHO).

Yes, please!

TIP: Wanna wrap your crush around your finger?
While everyone else is shouting for attention at a bar or club, draw in closer….
and whisper.
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Secret Number 2:  Scent and Sensuality.
Scent is a notorious tool of seduction.  75% of our emotions are triggered by smell, according to studies by the Social Issue Research Centre.
Do you want to linger in a lover’s mind?
Time to hunt down a scent that best captures your essence.
Coco Chanel advised to “dab perfume where you want to be kissed.”

I run the oils through my feather fans before I perform on stage so the audience not only has a visual, but they have a sensory experience as well, as my scent is literally fanned through the theater.

Yesterday,  Burke was packing up his camera gear to go take some high fashion mugshots, and I was working on a writing assignment.  Suddenly, I was wolfing around the room – caught by a scent.  I tried to figure out what it was, was it in a box I just opened, was it coming from my tea cup, was it on a letter in a stack of mail nearby? I tracked it down to Burke’s neck.  He was trying on a new scent by Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab…it made me regret he had to leave so soon.

Wearing the same scent will have people recall that particular scent to you – even when you’re not around.  So…dab that oil on a lover’s pillow to make them dream of you.  Dab it on little notes or love letters that you send.  Did you leave your scarf at a “friends” place? Be sure it smells like you.

Trust me on this one.  It works.

Tip: Although it’s tempting, don’t pick a scent that is currently popular. You want to pick a scent that is distinguishable to you. I love oils for this purpose.

Secret Number 3: Put a Spell on them with your Eyes.
Eye contact is confidence. Don’t believe me? Try this on your crush.
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When taking off a winter coat, people will look down as they pull their arms out of the sleeves.
We have taken off coats a million times.
We know how to do it, yet we all do the same thing.
To engage your crush, start to say hello and continue normal conversation while taking off your coat.
Use slow calm motions.
Maintain eye contact the entire time – never once looking away.
Slide the coat off and while still maintaining eye contact –
throw it on a chair beside you, without looking down.
Confidence is sexy. Eye contact is engaging. Emotionally, eye contact creates a shared experience. Before you were taking a break from conversation to ditch a winter coat. With eye contact, your crush is emotionally unbuttoning your clothes with you.  In public, it can be a fantastic subtle suggestion. In private, when done right, emotional unbuttoning can quickly translate into physical unbuttoning…
You know what to do.

Go get ’em, Tiger.
xo
Veronica
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