Magic Monday: Love Spells and the Secrets in Your Hair


Image Courtesy of Vogue Italia


The magic of hair has been entwined in love spells and enchantments from deep within the wells of history.

It’s sexy… the old tales tell of mermaids brushing their long locks on rocks to enchant the sailors.

The Mermaid by J.W. Waterhouse

The Mermaid by J.W. Waterhouse

It’s strong….Dr. Frederic Leroy found that a single strand of hair can hold 3oz (100g) of weight!  That’s equivalent to the weight of 11 pennies holding onto one strand.

Model Lily Cole on the Dior Runway

Model Lily Cole on the Dior Runway

It’s smart…. your DNA coding is written in each strand.

And it has long been used to cast enchantments…. This is a golden locket filled with a lock of Marie Antoinette’s hair on display at the British Museum:

Photo Courtesy of the British Museum

Photo Courtesy of the British Museum

And I will admit. I have used mine to enchant a certain Burke Heffner to me…

In magic workings, my Grandmother Helen believed in the secrets of hair and the power of a well placed bobby pin or ribbon.

My Grandmother Helen with a magic ribbon in her hair.

My Grandmother Helen with a magic ribbon in her hair.

You all ready for some old school magic?

Come a little closer…

If a woman sleeps with a bobby pin or ribbon in her hair, the old lore says that part of the bobby pin/ribbon will be enchanted with her essence. Then, that woman could leave behind her bobby pin or ribbon in a potential lover’s space to draw that person to her.


When I met Burke, I would casually drop my thin, black bobby pins between the wooden slats of his floor boards. I would wrap a single magic strand of my hair around a bobby pin and place it under his pillow. Later, we would braid pieces of our hair together for the times when we were apart. And only 3 days ago, two of our strands were waxed and sealed into the floor of our home.

Our DNA, our magic, our locks…entwined.

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Hair flowers, found feathers and bobby pins. That’s what my Grandma would call a triple threat!

My relationship with Burke is one of the things I’m most proud of in my lifetime.

We keep our love super hot through working gorgeous enchantments on each other.

The bobby pin enchantment is just one of the many ones we’ve worked. And if you live anywhere near New York City, and are interested in finding out more about romantic enchantments to draw the right lover to you, or to enhance your current relationship, I will be teaching Sex Magic: Secrets of Love Spells and Old Enchantment Workings at Kitty Cavalier’s School of Charm and Cheek on May 31st. Interested? I’ve got six spots left…one might be for you.

Will you pick it up?

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My Darling Dangers…. have you heard of hair magic or used it before?  Leave a message in the comments and tell me your story what country you’re from.  I know there’s lots of different enchantments around the world regarding hair magic.  Also you have any questions about magic for future Magic Monday posts…leave a comment…I’d love to hear from you.

The Secret Six Tips on How To Get Your Creative Mojo Rising

The snow is dusting the streets of Brooklyn…..

Photo by Brooklyn Prints

Photo by Brooklyn Prints

I have been wearing pants and boots for two weeks straight.

And I’m starting to feel like a trapped flower below ground that is just trying to push her way through to Springtime.

Scratching and clawing.

It is so easy to get in that stuck spot…especially creatively.

No matter what your creative drug of choice is:  Music, Writing, Dancing, Art, Storytelling, Performing – in the warmth of this coffeehouse, I’ve cooked up six tips to get that creative spark sizzling.

1.  Let Yourself Wander.  Mix it up.  Get out.  Adventure.  Whether you end up waking up in a seaside motel 3 hours from home or you just move into the next room to work – changing your surroundings will give you a dose of a much needed change in perspective.

When you find yourself in doubt walking through the Pits of Self Loathing and the Land of Stuck – throw your shoes on and walk around the block.  I just read a chapter in Nikki Sixx’s book, where he’s in the middle of a depressed day, but makes himself get out of his hotel room and there in the elevator is a button that sparks his creativity to run back to his room and write an entire song.   Look for the signs.

The elevator button that inspired a song.

The elevator button that inspired a song.

2. Purge the Demons. We’ve all got noise in our heads. Wild thoughts that are occupying valuable space in our brains. Things that can be turned into art.

Years ago, Julia Cameron suggested in The Artist’s Way, a practice called “Morning Pages” – where you roll out of bed and write three pages. Even if you write “I have no idea what to write” over and over. It might start that way, but somewhere in the mix, you discover the gold buried under your subconscious.  But here’s the problem, I’d keep that up for about a week and be really good about it, and then life would get in the way and I’d stop.

Enter 750 Words – a little site that got me back into writing 2 years ago. Basically 3 pages of writing equals 750 words. You log in and the bottom right hand corner keeps your word count, and once you’ve finished your 750 words for the day – there’s this cool little statistics chart that shows your mindset for the day, your frequently used words, what the weather was that day, your total count… it’s pretty badass. And you earn badges for how many days you did in a row…. I just got back on it and here’s my cute badges:
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I’m a show off.

3.  Power in Numbers.  You know that old saying, “Two heads are better than one?”  Yep.  Completely true.  There is almost nothing that beats the creative high of a full-on brain storm.  That moment when brilliant ideas are flowing, that moment the old blues men call “In the Pocket.”  I’ve had a bunch of great brain-storming moments with friends lately – with Emilie in the back lounge of the bus talking until 6am about her screenplay ideas, with Kim talking about Kickstarting ideas for Revolver, with Kitty talking about our workshop this weekend, with Contessa bouncing ideas off each other for writing,  and with Gala brainstorming about blogs and books.  This is us in the snow yesterday:

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Every single one of those brain storming sessions with my friends helped me discover something new. Sometimes things can get so jumbled and a good friend can give you new eyes and perspective to stir up so many gorgeous possibilities!

4.  Press Play.  Build your own soundtrack around your art.   Let the music move your mood.  When I’m creating new burlesque numbers or trying to work in new moves, I love to put on a playlist of old dirty blues, it sets that slow and sultry mood and the dance practically creates itself.  The other night, I lit candles all over the apartment and took Contessa’s advice in her Wanderlust Blog about listening to international music stations.  I adore the sound of French – so I rocked it out to this station for awhile and then I also hit this station as it was playing French blues for a little while and then French opera.  It changed the mood of the apartment and also my writing.

I also adore Pandora.  My favorite channel is “Bessie Smith”.  All of a sudden, you’ll transported to the scratchy record sounds of the late 1920s with soul.  Voices of ghosts from almost 100 years ago will come out of the speakers to bring your creative mindset to a whole other level!  It’s a mood.  Right now, I’m listening to Iggy Pop’s Search and Destroy because I’ve got to hustle with this post if I’m going to get this up and get to the dentist on time.  Iggy Pop is making me type with a fury this afternoon!

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5.  Dress the Part.  Look, People.  I’ve been playing dress-up since I was old enough to stand on my own.  I was pulling on my Mom’s white go-go boots and stomping around the house with flair at 5.  It’s no secret that I love playing with clothes and accessories to create a mood or a character.  I do it almost every night on stage.  So why not in everyday life?

Three nights ago, I felt stuck.  I’ve been writing like a madman for my book proposal due date of April 10th.  And I needed some juice in my words.  Some spice in my language.  I decided to hit a new local up-all-night coffeehouse and I dressed the part – of a writer, of course.

In my fantasy world, what do I look like as a writer?  I pulled on a classic black beret that would have made Dorothy Parker drool, my faux leather pants, my black fitted button down shirt and a tie.  I went crazy on my smudgy black eyeliner because this writer is moody, hon-nay.   I set up my journal and my laptop and ordered a double latte with extra nutmeg.  Boom!  Me pretending to play “writer” for the night got me into a different creative space – just by changing my clothes a bit and using imagination like when I was 5.  I was outlining my chapters and naming them when the girl sitting next to me at the bar, peered over my shoulder and said, “Oh, you’re working on a book?”

“Yep,” I answered.  “I’m a writer.”

And I meant it. 

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5.  Call on the Muses.  What would Joan Jett do?  When all else fails – call on your Circle of Seven. Now that’s a badass gang of inspiration for a lifetime!

Know that right now – at this very moment, there’s millions of us out there on the creativity roller coaster – looking for inspiration, struggling, pushing through and over-coming, catching a high of good ideas, feeling a rush of genius…just imagine us all out there together somehow…connected in this wild adventure of a creative life.

I’m here. Even if it’s just me and you.

Imagine me taking up a corner spot on the bar at Starbucks, listening to Iggy Pop’s Search and Destroy on repeat blaring through my earbuds, madly typing this entry to communicate with you like I promised.

And it feels so good.

Even if I am 15 minutes late to my dentist…..

Live wild, you creative fucking superstar. See you Thursday.

How To Write the Sexiest, Most Passionate Love Letter Ever…to Yourself.

I have penned flowing cursive with luscious words to people that I’ve been madly in love with, to people I’ve had wild inspiration crushes on, to people who have adventured with me in gutters all over the world as my dear friends….
love letter

I have pressed the pen to paper in a hot, frenzy of utter adoration.
I have pressed my lip prints to some leaving a trace of me behind.
I have folded these notes into eighths like a schoolgirl and slid them under doors, into suitcases, into my perfumed envelopes and I have pressed them into palms.

Love letter writing is my art. Seduction and words, my paint. The kiss prints, the perfume spritz, the folding and sealing, the secret delivery of them….my drugs.

I have passionately bitten the corners of love letters leaving my teeth marks upon them.
I have poured drops of my morning nutmeg sprinkled lattes on them when I’m half way across the world from my Lover.
I have pouted and pressed my blood red lipstick kisses on them.
I have seared their corners with the flames of magic candles that I made with my own hands.
I have smeared their ink with drops of my tears.
I have licked the name of the person I wrote it to….to hold the letters of their name in my mouth a little bit longer….

The wandering moments when writing can become a wild fetish.
Scrawled black ink staining a perfect cream page.
Knowing the Recipient’s fingers will trace the same folds that my hands made in the paper.
Knowing that eyes will take in all the loops and curves of my hand-writing…the magics of my meaning.


A note to my Lover even survived our house fire. Proof that it’s hotter than fire itself.


Confession: I have written these notes for years. But it was only 3 years ago, when I turned that pen on myself.

Perhaps it was long overdue.

I got out my favorite cream colored paper and spritzed my red bottle of Gucci Rush on it. I waved it in the air to dry, like I’ve done a million times before. Waiting to be inspired by the sultry scent of it.

And then I pressed my pen to the paper and was…..

Where to begin? It felt stupid maybe. Trite. A love letter to myself. Why bother?

But as one of my heroes, Ru Paul, loves to say: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?….

Can I get an amen?

Even though it felt silly, I made myself do it that first time. And when I was done, I felt exhilarated. There, in my own hand, in permanent ink, were praises I sang to myself for the first time, were things I was proud of, were things I thought made me the most unique.

I loved this exercise.
I made Andrea Martin do it on international television on MTV’s MADE with me.
I make the women who come to my workshops do it.
I’ve made my friends do it.

Bonus Points: Share your love letter with someone you trust. They will always add things that you have forgotten or incredible things you just don’t see about yourself.

How do you even begin?

1. Get beautiful paper to write on and a perfect pen. Lately I’ve been using an antique cream 30lb paper for my letters and a deep purple ink pen.

2. Spritz your scent on the paper before you write (so it doesn’t smear the ink afterwards). Fan the paper back and forth in your face, and close your eyes to take in the scent. Let it inspire you.

3. Step back and think about what you love about yourself. What makes you YOU? What makes you unique, interesting, sizzling, different, awesome, lovely, adventurous, passionate? Even though it feels silly, write it down. You know the stories from people who have died and come back to life…when they say that when they are leaving their body, it is only at that moment that they realize how amazing they were? It is only at that moment that they felt love for this being that they were on earth for that period of time.

Well this is your time, Baby. This is your body. This is your life. And this is your letter to celebrate it.

If you are getting stuck, you should absolutely check out this brilliant post which includes a love letter that sassy seductress, Kitty Cavalier wrote and shared in one my classes. When she read it out loud, everyone in class sighed with appreciation. It was gorgeous and liberating.

Would you like to be really brave? Share 4 lines of a love letter to yourself in the comments below. One random person will win a love letter (sent via snail mail) from me. AND if you would like to be enchanted further…. I will be teaching my very first workshop of 2013 on March 23rd in NYC – the Journey of Seduction at Kitty’s School of Charm and Cheek. Because I’ve slated 2013 to work on my film and my book proposal – teaching will be a rare treat. I hope you can join me…this is what happened last time and it was hot.


Can’t wait to read snippets of your love letters…