Flirt Alert! How To Flirt – 3 Tips From A Burlesque Performer.

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For the past 8 years, I’ve made a living as a professional burlesque performer.
Flirting is a job skill, my friends.

I have always enjoyed looking at human interaction….
seeing what brings us closer,
watching for signs communicated by body language.

There are so many different ways that we speak to each other.

The following 3 tips are just a few of the things that I’ve noticed about flirting.
The things that I do aren’t manipulative or planned…
these are just things that I’ve noticed that I do,
or I have noticed others doing when I am drawn to them.

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Wanna learn with me?
I’m doing 4 in-person Sensuality and Seduction classes in NYC, starting Thursday, March 26th
and I’m doing two international online classes starting Sunday, March 29th!

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Let’s play!

Flirt Tip #1: My Hook and Release Technique.
This is something that I noticed when watching other people having an intimate conversation. It naturally occurs – and I started to notice myself doing it when talking to people that I felt truly comfortable with.

This tip is all about voice levels and body language.

After having a normal tone conversation with your crush,
lean in with your body and talk in a hushed tone,
this will naturally cause your crush to lean in closer to you to hear the secret.

After a few moments of that,
push your body back into the chair as far away from your crush as possible,
take up room with your body (drape your arms over back of chair, etc)
and continue the story in a louder voice
as if you have control of the whole room.

I’ve witnessed this happen naturally with people who are really good with “working a room”.
It is fascinating to watch a crowd of people gather around one person and all lean in intimately as the person speaks in a softer, hushed tone.
Then, as the person leans back and pulls the “punch line” or end of a story in a louder voice, I have watched the crowd also mimic and lean back….taking this person in fully.

This works like a charm one-on-one.
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Flirt Tip #2: The Melting Look (or Look/Look Away/Look Technique)
This is something I do naturally on stage ALL THE TIME.
And since I’m aware of it, I notice that people that flirt do it constantly.

Look at your crush right in the eyes.
Then take a moment to look towards the floor and let your crush visually “take you in” without you looking at them.
Take this moment to look down and tuck your hair behind your ear, fix your stocking, or have a sip of your drink….
Then with your head still tilted down,
glanceĀ up to your crush and hold a solid gaze for 5 seconds.

Melt.

Flirt Tip #3: The Presidential. (The Slow Down)
I call this technique of mine The Presidential, because I’ve noticed that most presidents do this.
I am hypnotized by voice.
It’s no surprise that some of my best friends and the people closest to me are singers/musicians.
In New York City, where I live, I notice that people generally speak rapidly to keep up with one another.
In the past couple of years, as technology gets faster, our attention spans decrease, and I’ve noticed when even going home to a more relaxed place like Florida, people seem to talk faster than they used to.
BUT….
Watch a clip of the President speaking….
You will notice that he speaks
slowly and clearly
so that people from all over the world can understand.
It is hypnotizing and powerful.
If you want to really draw your crush into you…
speak slowly, deliberately and with power.
It’s so different from what we are used to,
your crush will take notice and be drawn in.

PS. This is also a great way to train yourself out of “like” and “um” in your speaking….
it has absolutely worked for me.

See you in class!

Are you flirting with me?

What are your favorite ways to flirt?
What has worked for you? What has worked ON you?
Share with me in the comments!
Do you want to write a love letter to your crush? I’ve got the secrets here!

Love it? Share it.

How To Write the Sexiest, Most Passionate Love Letter Ever…to Yourself.

I have penned flowing cursive with luscious words to people that I’ve been madly in love with, to people I’ve had wild inspiration crushes on, to people who have adventured with me in gutters all over the world as my dear friends….
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I have pressed the pen to paper in a hot, frenzy of utter adoration.
I have pressed my lip prints to some leaving a trace of me behind.
I have folded these notes into eighths like a schoolgirl and slid them under doors, into suitcases, into my perfumed envelopes and I have pressed them into palms.

Love letter writing is my art. Seduction and words, my paint. The kiss prints, the perfume spritz, the folding and sealing, the secret delivery of them….my drugs.

I have passionately bitten the corners of love letters leaving my teeth marks upon them.
I have poured drops of my morning nutmeg sprinkled lattes on them when I’m half way across the world from my Lover.
I have pouted and pressed my blood red lipstick kisses on them.
I have seared their corners with the flames of magic candles that I made with my own hands.
I have smeared their ink with drops of my tears.
I have licked the name of the person I wrote it to….to hold the letters of their name in my mouth a little bit longer….

The wandering moments when writing can become a wild fetish.
Scrawled black ink staining a perfect cream page.
Knowing the Recipient’s fingers will trace the same folds that my hands made in the paper.
Knowing that eyes will take in all the loops and curves of my hand-writing…the magics of my meaning.

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A note to my Lover even survived our house fire. Proof that it’s hotter than fire itself.

 

Confession: I have written these notes for years. But it was only 3 years ago, when I turned that pen on myself.

Perhaps it was long overdue.

I got out my favorite cream colored paper and spritzed my red bottle of Gucci Rush on it. I waved it in the air to dry, like I’ve done a million times before. Waiting to be inspired by the sultry scent of it.

And then I pressed my pen to the paper and was…..
lost.

Where to begin? It felt stupid maybe. Trite. A love letter to myself. Why bother?

But as one of my heroes, Ru Paul, loves to say: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?….

Can I get an amen?

Even though it felt silly, I made myself do it that first time. And when I was done, I felt exhilarated. There, in my own hand, in permanent ink, were praises I sang to myself for the first time, were things I was proud of, were things I thought made me the most unique.

I loved this exercise.
I made Andrea Martin do it on international television on MTV’s MADE with me.
I make the women who come to my workshops do it.
I’ve made my friends do it.

Bonus Points: Share your love letter with someone you trust. They will always add things that you have forgotten or incredible things you just don’t see about yourself.

How do you even begin?

1. Get beautiful paper to write on and a perfect pen. Lately I’ve been using an antique cream 30lb paper for my letters and a deep purple ink pen.

2. Spritz your scent on the paper before you write (so it doesn’t smear the ink afterwards). Fan the paper back and forth in your face, and close your eyes to take in the scent. Let it inspire you.

3. Step back and think about what you love about yourself. What makes you YOU? What makes you unique, interesting, sizzling, different, awesome, lovely, adventurous, passionate? Even though it feels silly, write it down. You know the stories from people who have died and come back to life…when they say that when they are leaving their body, it is only at that moment that they realize how amazing they were? It is only at that moment that they felt love for this being that they were on earth for that period of time.

Well this is your time, Baby. This is your body. This is your life. And this is your letter to celebrate it.

If you are getting stuck, you should absolutely check out this brilliant post which includes a love letter that sassy seductress, Kitty Cavalier wrote and shared in one my classes. When she read it out loud, everyone in class sighed with appreciation. It was gorgeous and liberating.

Would you like to be really brave? Share 4 lines of a love letter to yourself in the comments below. One random person will win a love letter (sent via snail mail) from me. AND if you would like to be enchanted further…. I will be teaching my very first workshop of 2013 on March 23rd in NYC – the Journey of Seduction at Kitty’s School of Charm and Cheek. Because I’ve slated 2013 to work on my film and my book proposal – teaching will be a rare treat. I hope you can join me…this is what happened last time and it was hot.

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Can’t wait to read snippets of your love letters…